When two persons decide to live together, linked as they are by common ideals and a strong pact of mutual loyalty, it is not something done “once and for all,” as others usually assume. On the contrary, it’s just the start of a process, which also needs constant attention.
Conflicts in relationships (and not just in couples) are, in a sense, inevitable because a relationship between two people is something dynamic, which always needs to find a balance. Though apparently contradictory, conflicts, if managed with patience and courage, can help us find new ways to improve our relationships, avoid mediocrity and the quiet life typical of those who are afraid to face problems. Einstein says: “Without crisis there is no merit. It is in crisis that the best of each person comes out.”
Therefore, you must not be afraid of conflicts, but learn to manage them, to learn more about the other person, to welcome him seriously in his fragility and, at the same time, look into the roots of one’s own inappropriate behavior. The only real thing to fear in a conflict is giving up without seeking new ways to communicate with the other. The primary resource is to continue believing that the other is a gift – often mysterious, to be rediscovered, but certainly full of surprises and unrevealed potency.
We have experienced that it is best to allow both partners to cool down, prior to facing problems together, and without accusing each other, and trying to understand what the other’s feeling. The beauty of relationships is that we are all equally responsible in building them.
