“Mental” and “spiritual” abuse: what do these terms mean?

There is still no agreement on a clear definition of spiritual abuse. When someone exerts a controlling, manipulating or intimidating influence on a person or group that they accompany or for which they have responsibility, we can speak of “mental abuse.”

It can occur wherever someone has power over others. This can affect relationships in the therapeutic field, but also in the educational field.

“Spiritual abuse” differs, in particular, in that it occurs in a religious context, and thus it also affects spiritual content.

How does spiritual abuse happen?

Similar to other forms of abuse, abuse of power and trust play a central role. Controlling the behavior of other people, intimidating and dominating them can be done through manipulation, for example, by a spiritual director or a leader of a faith or religious community posing as a mouthpiece of God, and being seen as such by the person being accompanied.

The accompanying person can try to influence the interpretation of Holy Scriptures or spiritual texts by misinterpreting passages. We read in Matthew 18:3, “Unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” If that is taken out of context, one can understand it to mean that people should always remain dependent on others, not really growing up, not supposed to take responsibility.

A sign of spiritual abuse can be when a spiritual guide or person in authority expects absolute obedience. When this is linked to high ideals, it can easily lead to humiliation. This reduces self-esteem and increases self-doubt among those affected.

Furthermore, isolation can accompany spiritual abuse by requiring one to stay away from family, friends, or co-workers. An elite, insider-outsider mentality is created. The companion or group is special, better; so outsiders might not understand this or would not do the person or group any good, and would hinder them on their way.

Are there individuals who are more susceptible to spiritual abuse?

As a matter of fact, most of the time, they are people who are new to the faith or who have only recently felt a calling, people who are looking for stability and meaning, who are going through a life crisis or need help because they have to make an important decision.

People who are emotionally unstable or even “broken” are at risk. Another risk factor is having experienced other forms of abuse, such as physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual abuse.

What are the consequences of spiritual abuse for a person?

That depends on his or her personality, and the duration, type, and intensity of the abuse. Symptoms and consequences can appear immediately, or only in the medium or long term. I distinguish six levels.

On the physical level, persons often experience diffuse pain: severe tension, headaches, or back pain. The person may struggle with tremors, sweat profusely, or generally feel weak and drained.

On the psychological level, the consequences are low self-esteem, insecurity, and a negative self-image. Those affected find it difficult to be happy without worries. In the medium and long term, it can lead to anxiety disorders, sleep disorders, depression, addictions, and even attempted suicide.

On a psycho-social level, loss of trust, distrust, isolation and relationship problems can show up.

On the emotional level, feelings of guilt or shame are common, as well as a sense of powerlessness and hopelessness. Anxiety, sadness, loneliness, but also anger or rage, can spread.

At the cognitive level – mind and intellect – those affected may have problems with thinking critically and questioning, making decisions, or drawing up plans for the future.

And finally, there is the spiritual level, the most important in this context. Spiritual abuse can wreak havoc on and even destroy faith, the image of the Church, the image of God, and the relationship with God. Victims could ask themselves: What kind of God is this? Why didn’t he intervene? Why could I be used on his behalf?

Can outsiders or members of a community recognize spiritual abuse?

Outsiders do! Red flags can be that a person becomes increasingly isolated or breaks off contact; that everything revolves around the community, its leader or spiritual guide; and anything else that happens or happened before in life no longer matters. Outsiders can have the feeling that the person has absolutely no idea why they are doing what they are doing.

If he or she is plagued by feelings of inadequacy, shame, guilt and lacks self-esteem, or if he or she can no longer make decisions independently, then you should take a closer look and intervene if necessary. It is more difficult for members of the same community, because they are part of the system and can no longer objectively see and question many processes, behaviors, etc.

If I suspect someone is a victim of spiritual abuse, how should I approach them?

If a person has been manipulated, controlled, and isolated for a long time, it is very difficult to talk to them about it. If I speak to them directly, they will probably reply: “I feel called to do this; it’s my way. God wants that.”

Then it’s already an achievement if you can keep in touch. Only when the person himself has questions and doubts, then you can try to help with a lot of tact.

Who are the perpetrators?

In many cases, people who represent an authority because of their position, age or experience, can also have a certain charisma and present themselves well in public. What they say, what they do and how they do it is very attractive.

They often build up a relationship of dependency. This can happen slowly and gradually, so that, at some point, it seems normal to the victim, and they are not aware of this development.

There can be internal systems within communities that support, for example, clergy abuse without doing it intentionally, by negligence.

Perpetrators can be people with power, but they can also be people who cannot handle being in a position of power. Perhaps they have experienced abuse themselves, got to know certain structures and behavior, and do not even realize that they are part of it.

How can spiritual abuse be prevented?

There should be a heightened awareness of the problem at all levels in the Catholic Church, from the bishops’ conferences and religious superiors to the individual parishes, religious communities and groups. The more the problem is recognized and receives attention, the more those affected feel encouraged to speak up. And the more vigilant the environment can be.

In addition, during the selection, training and formation for those who accompany others spiritually, it is necessary to take a closer look at who wants to do this service – to offer supervision, to check how things are going.

All of this can help prevent unwanted developments, but also support these people in a good, appropriate and healthy way. The establishment and recognition of new communities and movements should also be monitored more closely.

Those who lead a Bible study group, youth group or parish may be unsure whether they are doing the right thing. What is your advice?

On the one hand, communicate clearly and transparently to both the members of the group, as well as to the outside world. Make it clear from the beginning what the goals and content are, and the rules for treating each other.

Always ask yourself self-critically: Do I want to convince the group of my ideas? Does everyone have to think like me, or do I allow varied approaches and different feelings? Do I accept suggestions and ideas, or do I cut them off? Do I allow criticism, or is nobody allowed to contradict me?

It’s important to make sure that I do not use what I know about individuals in other areas, nor influence their private lives, and do not interfere in professional or family matters without being asked for advice.

Questioning myself about my own management style, but also asking others who know me and for whom I am not responsible, who can answer me on an equal footing – taking this into account reduces the risk of spiritual abuse.

Clemens Behr

(First published in Neue Stadt, Germany)

 Katharina Anna Fuchs has been a lecturer at the Institute for Psychology at the Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome since 2012, teaching and researching. She has been involved in the prevention of abuse for over 10 years, including her work at the Center for Child Protection at the Pontifical Gregorian University (2012–2020). She is a member of several international and Church advisory bodies dealing with abuse and its prevention, and holds a doctorate in psychology. She did her studies in Eichstätt, Germany and Rome, Italy.