The life of human beings goes through various stages; each one gathers the good of the previous stage and enriches it with new conquests. In this perspective, old age is a wonderful stage, in which one reaps the fruits of what one has lived before. But this does not happen automatically; there must be a progressive concentration on the true, few things that really matter. This is true for the emotional life as well. If we have trained ourselves to relate to others, not to possess them but to make them happy, we will reap rewards even in old age. There is an irrefutable truth: at any age, human beings have an extreme need to love and be loved, even through physical manifestations. It is not enough to have the will to love, it is also necessary to set in motion emotions and feelings.
The emotional life concerns everyone, including the elderly, married people, but also those who are not married, for various reasons. As far as the affectivity of couples, in particular, is concerned, this obviously includes the sexual dimension. It must be recognized, however, that there is still discomfort in talking about the sexuality of the elderly, and sometimes there is irony on the subject. In reality, if health is preserved, the exercise of sexuality in elderly couples should always be possible, albeit with different characteristics related to physiological changes. In order to cope better with old age, from a young age, it is necessary to internalize one’s own body well, learn to accept it, even with its inevitable defects, develop a positive idea of pleasure as a gift of creation and try to be increasingly attentive to the quality of the relationship. Those spouses who have learned to respect each other, to trust each other completely, to overcome many battles together without discouragement, will be able to continue to have a satisfying emotional life, because they now know each other in their most intimate aspects and derive pleasure from each other’s joy. When, as the years go by, a sexual life is no longer possible, this does not mean that physical intimacy is renounced. Physical contact should never be put aside. It will be a matter of embracing a different body than the one we chose when we were young, but beyond wrinkles, weight gain, and creaking joints, through the body, we are embracing the other in its totality. We must discover new ways to say: I love you, I am happy to live with you, you are important to me, etc. … It is the time when we must rediscover the tenderness with those small gestures of love that reveal attention to the continuous changes of those who live next to us.
Giovanni Cociglio, sexologist, writes: “You can be satisfied even without pulsional discharges, as can be seen in those couples who, prevented by a physical injury in the performance of the relationship (e.g., paraplegics), live intense love relationships. Feel to love and to be loved is much more important than the impulsive release.” It is important then to learn better and better the art of loving with all its nuances; without it, in fact, affectivity, in any age of life, is destined to dry up. Old age is, in a certain sense, the golden age, because we reap all that we have sown in so many years of living together; once the exaggerated reciprocal expectations have disappeared, we can better enjoy our living for each other. This can better help us to lift up our eyes together towards that endless Love to which we have always aspired.
Maria and Raimondo Scotto
