Mary C. Boys, SNJM, professor of practical theology, Union Theological Seminary, New York City
I hear you asking how you might be an authentic presence at this wedding where you will encounter persons of an unfamiliar religious tradition. That is, what will enable you to feel at home in yourself with religious strangers? I have several suggestions.
You might seek out a leader in the tradition foreign to you, asking both what is most important to know and to do — and perhaps also what might be regarded as insensitive or improper. You might do some reading from a reliable source. Perhaps you might virtually attend a service in the tradition first, so that you gain a basic familiarity with ritual practice.
Above all, see this wedding as a wonderful opportunity to learn about a religious “other” and, in doing so, broaden your horizons. These opportunities don’t come around often enough. As Jean Halperin has said, “We not only need to understand one another, we need one another to understand ourselves.”
Zeeshan Bandawal, 21-year-old refugee from Afghanistan, studying computer science at the University of Wisconsin, who also teaches English part-time to other Afghans
I feel that we are each responsible for ourselves. As a Muslim and because I care about my relative, leading up to the marriage, I would want to remind them about what Islam says about marriage, marriage partners, raising children, and building a family. But I believe it is my responsibility to spread the word of God, not to be a judge. So, then, because I would have done my job, regardless of the decisions they make on these matters of faith and practice, I would attend the wedding so that they do not feel lonely, and they see that I am there, supporting them. But I would not participate in rituals that include something haram (forbidden), such as drinking alcohol.
Paul Flaman, theology professor emeritus, St. Joseph’s College, University of Alberta
I’ll try to answer your question using a hypothetical situation. John, who is Catholic, and Ann, who is Protestant, invite me to their wedding in her church. Since I am John’s godfather, he has asked me if I would be a minister of communion at the ceremony. I ask to talk to them in person. Since this could raise some sensitive topics, I ask God for the grace to love them as Jesus loves, without compromising my Catholic faith. When we meet, I ask why they want to get married in Ann’s church rather than John’s parish. The reason is that Ann’s father is the pastor, and they want him to preside at the wedding celebration. I then ask John if he wants his marriage to be recognized in the Catholic Church. He says he does. I remind him that he needs to speak with his pastor to make the necessary arrangements. Then I tell both Ann and John that I would be uncomfortable being a minister of communion at the ceremony because of our different beliefs, but if they like, I would be happy to proclaim one of the biblical readings which we both appreciate as God’s Word. Everyone is happy with this proposal.
Rev. John P. Mack, vice president for formation programs, Sacred Heart Seminary and School of Theology, Franklin, Wisconsin
The beauty of family bonds unfolds amidst differences among and between generations. Common bonds of blood that arise from a shared ancestor such as a grandparent or great-grandparent do not guarantee everyone getting along. Weddings bring opportunities for families to move beyond things that have caused divisions in the past or the present. In preparation for the wedding, discovering more about the faith tradition of the woman marrying my nephew may possibly happen in shared conversation over a meal. Reading about that faith tradition and perhaps the marriage rituals can help to establish a foundation for participation in the wedding. In whatever manner, a conscious decision made and offered in love to promote the greater good may serve as encouragement to other family members and friends to promote interfaith understanding, as well as strengthen family bonds.
Carlos Freire
(Living City, USA)
