God gave us humans an awesome gift: the power of speech. It allows us to verbally and non-verbally communicate with each other, thus entering another person’s mind and heart. Precisely because of this powerful ability, speech entails a capacity, not only to do great good, but also to inflict great harm.
By the very nature of communication, there are many ways by which something offensive may be communicated: either the speaker spoke angrily, maliciously or negligently; or the hearer misunderstood the speaker’s intention. Either way, there is a wound that needs to be healed.
If we wish to act in a loving way toward the other, we should not let that wound fester needlessly by refusing to make a move to repair the unintended harm or by thinking that the other needs to change his way of thinking or learn not to be overly sensitive. Perhaps there is that fear that “If I apologize, I would be construed as insincere since I did not do anything wrong,” or that, “If I apologize, I am encouraging him to think ill of me.”
Whenever there is a misunderstanding that causes hurt between individuals, focusing merely on who is “right” or who is to “blame” will not help in repairing it. Instead, what is effective is sincerely trying to put oneself in the shoes of the other, to see the matter from his perspective and to feel what it must have been like to hear what was said.
It is a way of acting that corresponds to Jesus’ way of reconciling us to God in our neighbor.
Across all ethnic and religious backgrounds, perhaps what is concrete and easy to relate to is the Golden Rule: “Do unto others what you would have them do to you.” This is a lesson on empathy and kindness. Everyone understands and relates to this. Let us be reminded that Jesus came into our world to deal with sin, not by merely telling us that we are wrong but by bridging the gap between man and God. He offered Himself to the Father on our behalf and reached out to us on behalf of God out of pure love.
To be Christlike then, we must first direct our focus on repairing the hurt between us and the other more than in proving ourselves right and the other, wrong.
Jesus acted this way despite our faults. In our interpersonal relations, we are often responsible for hurting the other without even realizing it so it is not useless nor wrong to apologize for it. If the other was offended by the way our words or deeds have been understood, then we must be willing to accept some responsibility for this failure of communication and show that we are willing to do what is necessary to mend the gap. It is like accidentally bumping a stranger on a busy sidewalk where we instinctively apologize, even if it is no one’s fault.
We have many instincts that are helpful for survival and in our relationship with others, but we must also learn to transcend these instincts through self-discipline and charity. In the same vein, the development of the human race has left us certain tribal instincts where we tend to band together with others who are like ourselves and act with suspicion, fear or ignorance towards those who are different in culture, race, language or religious and moral convictions.
Sometimes, such basal instincts lead us to act inconsiderately of others and this unintentionally causes resentment. A wholesome spirituality enables us to transcend such tribalism by putting ourselves in the shoes of the other to bridge those differences.
We must not be discouraged when we discover that a person’s concerns and interests are different from our own. Taking the cue from Jesus who loved purely until the end, we need to learn to value the person above such differences.
