Today, it is easy to come across some elderly persons taking a child for a stroll in his baby carriage or talking to him, in joyful intimacy. Generally, these are grandparents who take care of their grandchildren when their parents are working. These are encounters that reassure and give hope. What would society do today without grandparents? We have to admit that they are an indispensable presence that often solves many problematic situations.
We, too, have been grandparents for many years and have grandchildren of different ages. We can testify with joy that being grandparents is a great gift that continually makes us ask new questions, pushing us to go beyond the already known, the already said, in order to look ahead; a gift that makes us uneasy at times, but always revitalizing. It urges us to recognize the voice of the Spirit, who continually rejuvenates the Church to generate a new humanity. Our relationship with young people helps us not to stop “dreaming” and, as Pope Francis said, helps the youth “to have visions,” to look to the future with renewed hope.
Certainly, relating with grandchildren is not easy; but neither is relating with their parents. It is a question of lending a hand, but without expecting anything, aware that being grandparents is different from being parents. We must not encroach on family matters. Any suggestions should also be given at the right time, with detachment, without expecting that they will be followed.
But what, in short, is the task of grandparents? As Pope Francis said at the 2018 World Meeting of Families in Dublin, they represent the roots, the history of the family, “the memory of a people, and they must transmit this memory to their grandchildren.”
Often, grandchildren learn to compare themselves spontaneously with their grandparents, drawn by their affection and the witness of their lives. It is important to encourage this relationship from an early age, with simplicity; perhaps with a game played together, with affectionate involvement, capable of generating moments of deep intimacy. Through the grandparents’ experiences, some of pain and suffering, children will understand that a life without love is arid, that anguish in the face of the future can be overcome, and that hope is never lost.
Sometimes, grandparents will feel that they are considered old, outdated, but the tenderness of their love will melt the hearts of their grandchildren. This does not mean always trying to please them, accepting everything without question, but loving them and listening to them with great attention and deep respect. While this is tough for parents, this is generally easier for grandparents. Parents often have high expectations of their children, but grandparents manage to avoid this trap, because they are aware that, perhaps, they will not live to see their grandchildren become mature adults except from heaven, where things will be seen from a better perspective. One thing that is often unacceptable to young people is the grandparents’ outright rejection of their way of thinking and acting, accompanied perhaps by that fateful phrase: “In our time, it wasn’t like this!” We must not let ourselves be blocked by our own experiences, sometimes so rich and valid for us when we were young. Instead, we need to put ourselves in their shoes today, in the present time, which is also the time of grandparents: a time shared with everyone, the young, the not-so-young, and the old.
It is not always easy; there will be moments of impasse in the dialogue between grandparents and grandchildren. But they will be special moments, because, if the love of the grandparents has been freely given, concrete, and without vested interests, the grandchildren will easily open themselves to the roots they apparently rejected. Almost always, the strong emotional bond built with the grandchildren remains alive, and that bond, at the appropriate time, will make all the values shared and witnessed flourish.
It is precisely to grandparents that Pope Francis dedicated July 25, the first World Day of Grandparents and the Elderly, with the theme: “I am with you always.” The phrase lends itself to multiple interpretations. To us, they seem like words that grandparents could address to their grandchild: “I will be with you every day, even when we cannot meet; I am with you because I always pray for you, because you are always in my heart. I am someone who always supports you with love, so that you can fulfill that plan that God has in mind for you.”
Maria and Raimondo Scotto
