Often, the continual reproaches don’t help at all. Before the inevitable weaknesses of those whom we live with, hasty judgments, criticisms and impatience spring up easily and they lead to an emotional distance, a closing up of oneself, and a sensation of loneliness. These are the typical situations we fall into that often characterize our relationships.
Nevertheless (try this in order to believe), there is a factor that can prevent this “burdensome atmosphere” from developing. Try to go to the roots of the fastidious weaknesses of the other, trying to understand their motivations, and reacting with tenderness.
Some days ago a friend confided to me: “Tenderness does not come to me spontaneously. In my own family, it was synonymous with weakness, with childishness, but when I became convinced that it is like good oil, indispensable for lubricating relationships, I adopted it as my own, overcoming all my prejudices.”
It is true: tenderness is not synonymous with weakness, “with being a sweetie-sweetie,” for above all, it shows strength. The way of tenderness, in fact, demands courage, a decisive will not to allow ourselves to be influenced by first impulses and negative emotions, so as to enter the world of the other with respect and tenderness.
At times, when we’re attentive to the right moment, it may be necessary to direct, guide, and help those near us to improve; if our words are without rancor and impartial, spoken without expecting rapid changes in the others, but inspiring courage in the others, they will not create barriers and indifference.
St. Jean Frances di Chantal once said that corrections are more effective “when offered with tenderness, as they are serious, cordial and full of love; because in like manner the heart of the one who receives them opens up more than the one who gives them, and so it renders the person who receives them light-hearted, and inspired to do what is good…” (Volerci come Dio ci vuole, Città Nuova).
It would be nice to start our day with a gentle “good morning,” with a reassuring tone of voice, and with seeing everyone with new eyes. How much a tender look can help! One could also encounter another’s indifferent look, concentrated only on his own problems for the day, or meet the gaze of someone who’s not centered on themselves, with a gaze that embraces you, that makes you feel unique, that trusts and believes in you. And so with a “good morning” greeting, our personal relationships will flow more freely.
