Spiritual abuse is a violation of spiritual self-determination. Unfortunately, it can occur on three levels, and the abuse escalates at each level.

Spiritual neglect is when only a single spiritual interpretation and tradition is offered (or none at all). As a result, there are no alternative approaches offered. People’s dependency can end up being justified this way.

Spiritual manipulation is when one-sided spiritual interventions push people in a certain direction of experience and behavior. The goal of the manipulator is to destabilize and dominate others.

Spiritual influence is when the will and freedom of the person are so weakened that they no longer offer any resistance to physical or sexual violence.

Communal spirituality, in an open and mutually responsible exchange, can make spiritual abuse more difficult to happen.

However, it can also be a breeding ground for spiritual one-sidedness and neglect, as well as spiritual manipulation and even violence. For example, when conflicts are seen as taboo, or when individuals are urged against their conscience to support a decision made by others, spiritual abuse can happen.

How can we identify and prevent spiritual abuse?

St. Paul gives an important interpretative key: “I do not mean to imply that we lord it over your faith; rather, we are workers with you for your joy.” (2 Cor 1:24)

When spiritual relationships are healthy, they lead to more joy. This does not mean that everything is “fun.” But even in inner hardships and dark times, it should always be possible to experience these steps on a path closer to God and life.

Where this deeper dynamic cannot be experienced, where people seem increasingly exhausted, isolated, or even dull, when contact with others is restricted or discontinued, we should be alert to the dangers of spiritual abuse.

The key attitude to preventing spiritual abuse is to expect that it may happen, and so we must be prepared for it. Power and the question of superiority and subordination play a role in all human relationships – in the relationship between two people and in every community. Transparency and honesty are decisive for success or misuse.

Spiritual abuse is delicate and can be very dangerous because it targets the deepest root of the life of human beings: their grounding in God. The gifts of spiritual life and the whole faith can be so poisoned that they can no longer be of help. A “love for Jesus on the cross,” for example, can be misused to conceal authoritarian leadership decisions, or when, in the process of discernment, a leader claims to be the exclusive interpreter of God’s will for a person.

Each of us can find ourselves in the situation of being abused spiritually, but also abusing others when we think we know what is good for them. Someone can act with the best of intentions and yet cross the line.

The authority to interpret what is spiritual abuse and what is not must always lie with those affected. In this respect, the best prevention is an open discussion about how spiritual togetherness and the associated leadership and support are being experienced.

Bernhard Deister

(Neue Stadt, Germany)

The author is a hospital chaplain and consultant for spiritual support, as well as managing director of the Working Group of Spiritual Movements and Communities in the Diocese of Mainz, Germany. He has been an external member of the Commission Against Sexualized Violence for the Focolare Movement in Germany since 2019. He is married with three children and has a doctorate in theology and a master’s in psychology.

Here’s what spiritual abuse is not

In her book Spiritual Abuse: A Contribution to Enlightenment, Diana Schultz defines its limits and boundaries, in order to avoid labeling every disagreement and personal conflict as abuse:

“It is not abuse when a spiritual leader, who has the responsibility to make decisions, makes a decision that is different from that proposed by some church members to the best of his or her knowledge and belief.”

There is also a fine line between addressing behaviors that can be problematic in the community and comments that can be abusive and destructive:

“Furthermore, it is not abuse when a Christian… confronts another Christian with a sin, wrongdoing, or mistake… The goal, however, should not be to provoke feelings of guilt or shame, but to heal and regenerate.”

From Diana Schultz, Geistlicher Missbrauch. Ein Beitrag zur Aufklärung, (Spiritual Abuse: A Contribution to Enlightenment), Grin Verlag: 2015, p. 22.