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Essentials for Building Relationships

Kindness, mercy, and forgiveness are three characteristics of mutual love that can help us strengthen our social relationships.

The unity brought by Christ always needs to be revived and translated into concrete social actions that are inspired entirely by mutual love. Here are some pointers about the foundations we can lay for our relationships:

Kindness means wanting the good of others. It means “making ourselves one” with them, approaching them, having completely set aside our own interests, ideas, and the many preconceived notions that often cloud our vision. We do this so that we can take on the other person’s burdens, their needs and sufferings, and also share their joys.

It means entering into the hearts of the people we meet to understand their mentality, culture and traditions and make these, in a certain sense, our own. In this way, we can truly understand what they need and discern the values that God has placed in each person’s heart. In a word, kindness means living for the people we are with.

Mercy means welcoming others as they are, not as we would like them to be, with a different personality, with political views that match our own, with religious beliefs like ours, and without those faults and habits that irritate us. No, we need to expand our heart and make it capable of welcoming all people with all their differences, limitations, and problems.

Forgiveness means always seeing other people with new eyes. Even in the most beautiful and peaceful environments, in the family, at school and at work, there are inevitably times of friction, disagreements, and arguments. Sometimes, people do not speak to each other or avoid each other, not to mention allowing feelings of hatred towards those who think differently to take root in one’s heart. Instead, we need to make a determined effort to try to see each brother and sister as if for the first time, as a completely new person, without remembering how he or she has offended us, but covering everything over with love, with complete amnesty in our hearts, imitating God who forgives and forgets.

True peace and unity can be reached when kindness, mercy and forgiveness are lived not only individually, but also together with others, in reciprocity.

Just as coals in a fireplace need to be poked every now and then to prevent them from being covered by the ashes, so too it is necessary, from time to time, to take steps to revive mutual love, and give fresh life to our relationships with everyone, so that they not be smothered by the ashes of indifference, apathy, and selfishness.

These attitudes need to be translated into life, into concrete actions.

Jesus showed us what love is when he healed the sick and fed the crowds, when he brought the dead back to life, and when he washed the feet of his disciples. Deeds, concrete deeds: this is what it means to love.

Chiara Lubich

(C. Lubich, in Parole di Vita, [Words of Life] Cittá Nuova, 2017, p. 787)

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