Don’t panic, but maybe Matthew, your problem is not to remain single but a fear of deep relationships which could lead to marriage! Some time ago, a wise young friend told me, it is when we lose our bearings, when we are afraid, and uncover a universe of beautiful but terrible things, it is still worthwhile to keep on going, for it means that change is about to happen and if we are open to it, it will help us breakdown the walls that we have built around us. Only one thing could not change: that God loves us immensely, whoever we are.
I took his advice. And do you know what? He was right. Once, I too was a notorious champion of fear. Following his advice was worth it, though, whatever the origin of that fear was, and even when we don’t know how it will end. Keep on going, Matthew even in the midst of your fears… Courage!.
Fear to have a deep relationship could be caused by the fear of being rejected. We fear and dread the rejection that could rise from a girl. But believe – that in spite of who we are, we need to know that God will not reject us – even though everybody does. This could be a good start to relate knowing who we are in front of God, secure of our own identity in front of Him. In this way we become secure of ourselves and the others could feel this and would be at home with you because you are at home in your relationship with God.
You will not die nor go crazy if you would not be loved in return. It’s fear that would have you believe that. The girl may not be that bad anyway: she may even defend you, protect you, maybe where you are most vulnerable. That is why it is good always to continue loving. And why ‘not face her in the right time. It takes time and effort to build a relationship with someone and overcoming one’s fear is one of the first steps in this direction. But there’s good news! You can start over again. Start now! Try it.
Often that black and chilling moment leaves behind a beautiful and shining pearl. Try to understand what really makes you afraid. Listen to yourself and maybe get help from experts. Often, we may discover that what we are scared of is making room for the others – we fear losing ourselves, our own freedom and and our identity. That, of course, resembles the fear of “dying”.
In fact, a small part of us has to die so that the other person may live in us. That other person could be your gift to understand better your fears. This is the secret of happiness. Our happiness lies in this “dying” to oneself. It’s the Gospel seed that dies and bears much fruit. You‘ll discover at the end in setting aside your fears, after “dying” to yourself, you’ll find the treasure, the pearl: true freedom.
I really like one of the films of Tom Cruise, the Edge of Tomorrow. In the movie, he has to die every now and then to reach the heart of the enemy and save humanity. For us, it doesn’t mean that we have to die literally anyway. In life there are many occasions to die, or to put it positively, to love and serve one’s neighbor.
Love overcomes all fears. Put it this way first, try to love the girl whom you wish to have a serious relationship with… Offer her a simple courtesy. Listen to her story and be empty of yourself in front of her, even forgetting your fear….Just be there for her. …We may never know how a simple act of love can open a window to “forever”.
Lastly, don’t forget to pray to God, so that he will lead and guide you, and even protect you in a relationship that you are about to venture into.
