“Finally you’re single! So this time I chose the furniture … ” and ‘that’s how a DJ in an FM radio station talks about it as if it were a liberation of some sort from an oppressive situation: then she adds that now one can choose her own furniture for the living room and for the rest of the house.

Yet one of our most beautiful memories can be precisely the choices for “our” home, before the wedding, but this would be another story…

A few days ago we met a friend whom we had not seen for some time. To the usual question, “how are you?”, we were overwhelmed by a sea of pain: the husband had left her for a year to go and live with another, after 20 years of marriage and two children.

We often come across similar situations. A sense of failure and delusion for a crumbling marriage which one believed would have lasted, after much investment in it. There is loneliness and shame. Not to mention the difficulties with the children. Oftentimes it is necessary to dialogue, to hold fast, and sometimes to fight to maintain, as much as possible, a certain sense of serenity and tranquility.

Speaking with, and above all listening to, persons going through the experience of separation made us understand this situation better.

And thinking of the many stories, each one different, with a load of very heavy suffering in common, I cannot but recognize the falsity and hypocrisy of a certain type of information and communication – that of being single again!. To present as a “liberation” and a return to freedom the end of a marriage is a serious deception for the youth, and a lack of respect towards those who are living the same experience but in a different way.

Barbara and Paolo Rovea

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