I am a social worker who arrived in Davao a year and half ago. I have four brothers, three sisters, and my father. I lost my mother when I was three years old and that’s why I grew up (me and my sisters) with my paternal grandparents. They were the ones who took good care of us, as real parents would do. Life has been fun and challenging in our big and noisy family.

I was very active in my parish, as a catechist of children and a leader of the youth group. Involved in the parish’s pastoral work in the aspect of communication and liturgy, I had all my weekends full of meetings. I lived a strong experience in the parish with other youth, because they began to tell me about their sufferings, doubts, and difficulties.

They asked me: “What to do in these difficult situations?” But I didn’t know what to answer, because I was still young. After a few months, I too began to have doubts about the existence of God. Thus, a period of searching began.

I got to know the Focolare Movement in 2007, during a retreat in my parish, in which some Focolare members were present. On that day, I asked some of them about their relationship with God. At the end of the retreat, one of them invited me to go to a Mariapolis gathering where people lived together for a few days. In my town, nobody knew the Focolare, so I had to get the permission of my grandparents, because this meeting was quite distant from my city.

Arriving there I felt lost, out of place, because I didn’t know anyone. On the third day of that meeting, it seemed to me that there were still no answers to my questions.

So, I went to the chapel and asked Jesus: “If you are really alive, tell me something.” After that moment, there were some young people who shared their experiences on how they tried to live the Gospel in their life. For example, someone said that he did not like cooking, but out of love, he made an effort to prepare lunch. Another overcame the difficulty with his father, and he was able to forgive him… I was touched by their experiences! At that moment, I felt great joy, because I understood, through their lives that God is alive and wants to live among us. When I got home, I started to live like them too, in my family and in my parish… I felt that I had finally found the reason for living: God.

In 2009, I wanted to get to know more about the aim and way of the Focolare, which is a way of unity based on the prayer of Jesus: “May they all be one” (Jn 17:21).

At that Mariapolis I attended, I had met some young people of the Focolare who had left everything to undergo a Gen2 school, a one year period of formation for youth in a center of the Movement. So I thought of doing the same thing too. But I didn’t know if it was possible, first because I didn’t know if it was God’s will for me, second, because I was quite new to the Movement.

I remember praying to God with an urgent request: “If you want me to live this experience, send me a sign.

”Some days later, I received the monthly Word of Life which contains a Scripture passage which serves as a guide and inspiration for daily living for the members of the Focolare. The commentary on it was originally written by the foundress, Chiara Lubich.

Immediately, I read it, and to my surprise, the Scripture passage was “Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple” (Lk 14:26). In my heart, there was a strong feeling that it was the sign that I had asked God for. That same day, I wrote to a focolarina asking if I could go to the Gen school. After some clarifications, she said yes.

Then I had to share this plan of mine with my family. It was not easy to explain to them my decision; my father did not understand, but he allowed me to go because he saw that I was convinced I would do anything for God.

One day, during the Gen school, while we were doing meditation together, I understood that God was calling me to follow him through the way of the Focolare. It was an intense moment for me! Through the words of Chiara: “You have only one life and you can decide to live for him or not…” It seemed that Jesus was telling me: “For a long time, I have shown you that I am alive, that I am with you, but you still keep looking for me.” Shortly afterwards, we had to go to Mass, and there, in front of Jesus, I felt a great indecision: saying yes meant entering the Focolare and this would change everything, all my plans. However, saying no was like saying no to God, and this I could not do! So I said yes. On the one hand, I felt fear, on the other, a feeling of relief and happiness.

Talking it over with a focolarina, I realized that if Jesus was calling me, I could respond to His call. Then I started a period of discernment with the Focolare, meetings of formation and more involvement in the activities of the community.

For some relatives and friends, it was hard to understand my decision. I tried my best to explain to each one. Some thought that it was a crazy thing, for others it was good, and for some others, it seemed like I was throwing my life away. They were not convinced, but in the end, they all had only one question: “Are you happy to do it, Micarla?” I said yes, and then all of them came to accept my choice.

I attended the international school of formation for focolarinas, first in Italy, then later in Switzerland, where I had to make big adjustments. I had my first experience of cold weather, encountering different cultures and of course, learning a new language. It was not easy; but in every difficulty, I always tried to renew my yes to God. Those were beautiful years!

After the school of formation, I was assigned to go to the Philippines. A new adventure! It was not easy in the beginning; new challenges; new adjustments again in food, weather, culture, and language. But in everything, I could see the love of God and experience the joy of continuing to follow Him.

Recently, I think I’ve experienced the biggest trial of my life; the death of my grandfather. As I have said, my grandparents stood as my real parents, and I promised them that I would not leave them…

Two weeks before he died, as I spoke to my grandmother, in a very difficult moment, I felt helpless with a deep pain for not being close to them at that moment… I paused for a while, talked to Jesus and asked him: “Why now? How can I live this experience so far away from them? What do you want from me?”

I feel that God was with me, and slowly, he enlightened me. I prayed and said to him: “If you brought me here, and have asked me to take this step, it means that it is part of my journey with you. Then give me and also my family, the grace to live it well.”

The following days, I experienced a mixture of pain and love. In many moments of suspense, I thought of Mary and her faithfulness to the end. So I asked her to help me. The unity assured me by my companions in the Focolare and the prayers from all our members helped me to go beyond the suffering.

I felt that God was asking me to take a further step: to leave my grandfather, to entrust my family to Him, and to believe that He would take care of them for me. And it was beautiful! Listening to my sisters and my grandmother after the funeral, I was able to see the love of God and his providence in every detail. As they said, “Everything happened in the best possible way.” My grandfather left serenely. Love for Jesus and all the prayers of the Focolare community bore fruit. My family was at peace and I felt as never before the immense love of God!

Micarla Xavier de Farias

[1] woman who has consecrated her life to God in the vocation to the focolare.

[2] Short for “New Generation,” refers to the young people of the Focolare Movement who are committed to living the spirituality of unity, and sharing it with other youth.