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The True Meaning of Sex

What is your opinion of casual sex? I have many friends who have engaged in such experiences and they seem to be happy. (L.M.)

We have always underlined how the true meaning of sex lies not in an encounter of two bodies, but of two persons. Human sexual intercourse is not just an impulse to be followed, but a type of relationship that involves two whole persons, and one which naturally leads to a deep encounter between the two.

In the long run, occasional sex leaves a bad taste in the mouth because of the lack of this profound relationship; the pleasure experienced is not capable of generating a deep joy.

For a good relationship between couples, this profound communion is very important; otherwise, sexual gratification dies out as soon as one runs out of passion. Only when it is a real expression of love, can sex become a kind of language which allows the couple to go more and more “in depth,” making a relationship more lasting, and improving its ability to adapt to new circumstances and avoid monotony, while providing a lasting joy.

A famous psychotherapist, Cuciglio, writes: “Love is the more important ingredient for making love. Making love to someone you love cannot be compared to a technically perfect experience, sexually liberating and even tender as it may be, but with an unloved partner.” Only when the sexual language also involves one’s heart can one experience true harmony.

To provide some background, a person possesses a physical, as well as a psychological and a spiritual dimension.

The physical dimension of a woman is directed towards the experience of motherhood, and an openness to love. A man, instead, underlines love as movement and action, as a going out of one’s self. The sexual stimuli for men pass through their eyes or vision; for women, through their emotions or the affective level (tenderness, gifts, compliments etc…).

For the spiritual dimension, a fundamental component is one’s personality, one’s being: manifesting, communicating with others, and experiencing and expressing human love. It is the capacity to give one’s self to others with all of one’s heart. The fundamental significance of sexuality is the gift of one’s self. Sexual relations acquire value only if they become a gift for the other.

It is also good to know the position of the Catholic Church, especially for Catholics: The Church considers sexual relations of prime importance. That is why it has to occur within the context of marriage. If two persons are joined in matrimony in front of God, their sexual relations are motivated out of Christian love: only if the partners can say to each other: “I give myself completely to you.”

An adolescent, however, still needs to mature completely to reach that moment. Why? Because, on one hand, although he may have the physical ability for sexual relations, he doesn’t yet have the psychological maturity to be a total gift for the other.

Another beautiful aspect to be considered is purity. In some people, especially among adolescents, the affective sexual stimuli can be much stronger. So there is this desire to enter into a rapport and experience a sexual relationship with the other.

Society exerts a great influence along this line. Advertisements encourage teens as young as thirteen or even younger, to use contraceptives like pills or prophylaxis, so they can have sexual relations whenever they want to. Even television programs show how a girl or a boy could pass from one relationship to another with extreme ease.

In a society that promotes such practices, it’s not easy to live purity.

How can we remain pure? At times, this quality could be lost. It’s a conquest for life. If we want to keep it, we have to be prudent. If we aren’t, we won’t be able to live this aspect well.

Another way is to have a strong motivation, a grand ideal. Many times, we can’t propose the value of purity to our circle of friends. They may understand this way of life, but they still lack a great Ideal. We can help them by offering them our Christian Ideal and a testimony of life.

We do not have the right to judge anyone, but we can share our experiences and be witnesses of the profound joy and fulfilment of a love that waits for the right time. This witness is a gift that we can give to others, and if we give it out of love, they may also discover their path towards the same profound joy and fulfilment.

Maria and Raimondo Scotto with Frances Orian

Thoughts on purity are taken from Maria and Raimondo Scotto’s book: Affectivity and Corporeality: “Affectivity in the Adolescent”.

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