Giulio Favara, a young man

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About two months ago, the father of my dear friend died suddenly. Nobody was prepared. His greatest difficulty was that now at 18, he found himself uncomfortable at home talking about his suffering. It seemed to him that his questions were an annoyance and that there were no answers to be had, and that he just had to accept what had happened.

He felt as if, having witnessed what had happened, he had to go on and start everyday life again without stopping and having time to mourn, to let himself go, to suffer from this sudden loss and piercing pain. My experiences in this sense have not been so important but finding myself his confidant, I asked myself: Is this right? Do we always have to suffer in silence? Why is it so difficult to talk about death?

Sara Paioletti, an adult

Mourning for others, when we are forced to come to terms with separation from our dearest ones, is undoubtedly one of the most important trials that life presents us. It is difficult, even for us adults, to experience pain and make sense of it, to explain and accept it, to process and overcome it.

Perhaps because we have the illusion that by not talking about death we suffer less, or because we are afraid, or are no longer able to remain vulnerable and take time out, or perhaps because the suffering of our children and loved ones scares us and we prefer not to see it instead of living through it.

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Maybe. But I believe that we should rediscover the power of pain and, above all share our pain, because the greatest suffering is that experienced in solitude. Instead, accepting pain, paradoxically, is a richness for us and for those around us. Moreover, sharing it is the only answer we can give, when there are no answers to be had. Death, any death, scares us. But experiencing pain in a non-destructive way is possible, and it’s probably the only way to get back to life.

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